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[QUOTE]blah blah blah[/QUOTE] to reply to DestroyYouAlot.
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[QUOTE="DestroyYouAlot:650091"][B]Minor Quandaries involving Numbers, and their particular significance to this Article and Vikings[/B] While it is a well known fact that Vikings invented the spoken word, beards, and the original, first, and only completely and wholly correct alphabet (also known as Soup), it is of great importance to note that the Vikings had little, if anything, to do with the creation of numbers. Granted, the Vikings claim to have been counting 1,000,000 years before the first number was discovered, and no one has ever disputed it (and I would not recommend disputing a Viking). However, since the discovering of ancient druid scrolls, it is now commonly believed that the first number was indeed "1", and not "Mayo", as the Vikings claimed. As a proper retort, the Vikings invented the Dewey Decimal System, and box-spring mattresses. This is considered to be the single greatest pwn in the history of all Vikingry. [B]Exploration[/B] There is, of course, more to the Vikings than raping and pillaging. They were traders and famed explorers. The Vikings discovered and settled Iceland, Greenland, Newfoundland, and (using the Viking I and Viking II probes) Mars. However, the Vikings soon left Mars, because there was nothing to rape and pillage (besides those little green men, but as the little green men are very willing, it didn't count as rape). The vikings also traded goods throughout the North Sea and North Atlantic, as far away as the Byzantine Empire, Soviet Russia, and Bed Bath and Beyond. Wearing horned helmets and carrying battle-axes naturally gave the Vikings a sizeable psychological advantage while negotiating prices for their wares: when a thundering norseman carrying a broadsword says that you're getting a good price, his customers tend to agree. Thus, even while these expeditions did not result in raping and pillaging, the customers of Viking merchants often went away feeling like they had been raped and their wallets pillaged. HAIL ODIN! [B]Raiding Tactics[/B] Although Viking tactics are commonly referred to as "raping and pillaging", this is a simplistic representation of the subtle and sophisticated battle tactics of the Viking Assault. The assault consists of the following phases: (1) Killing. Kill everything which cannot be either pillaged or raped. (2) Pillaging. Next, pillage everything which cannot be raped. (3) Once all resistance is put down and the loot is stored away, open up a flagon of mead and find a nice wench, commence raping. (4) Set shit on fire and sail off, taking the better looking women along (incidentally, the fact that the Vikings had their choice of the hot babes for 500 years explains why Scandanavian women are all such hotties today). As we can see, the elaborate and highly refined Viking strategy consists of "killing-pillaging-raping-burning", not just "raping and pillaging". Furthermore pillaging in fact comes before raping. The order of these steps is vitally important (after all if you first burn the village then there is nothing left to rape, pillage or kill). A variant of this theory, the "Hack-Hack, Stab-Stab, Molest-Molest, Burn-Burn (Always Burn Last!)", was pioneered by great thinker Michael McAvoy of the Bergen County Public School system. While first applied to the tactics of barbarian hoardes, we can see how it evolved into the "killing-pillaging-raping-burning" model. [B]Viking Combat[/B] Vikings are very formidable opponents in combat due to the fact that they are pretty much invincible when they go on a pillaging spree. Even when not pillaging, however, Vikings are still almost invincible. For instance, if a ninja were to sneak up on a Viking, the ninja would have to stab the Viking at least twice to defeat him/her, by which time the Viking would have turned around to chop the ninja's head off or something, while shouting loudly in Norse. The favored weapons of most Vikings are the over-sized battle axe, the sword, the bastard sword, and the total bastard sword. When attacking from sea, Vikings attack towns and sea-bound vessels using a myriad of projectile weapons on board, including but not limited to: -The Standard Pillaging Cannon: The most common weapon a Viking's ship has. It basically blasts the tar out of everything, thus making it an essential pillaging weapon. -The Hamster Catapult: A less common weapon used by Vikings to pillage at long distances. It launches a hamster over long distances that causes a midget-sized thermonuclear airburst upon impact. -Over-sized harpoon Launcher: A weapon you are likely to find at least one of on any Viking ship. It shoots a really ginormously big harpoon which can pierce its way deep into any structure, moose, or vessel. Due to its superior engineering design, the harpoon is easilly retractable and will not snag on anything while being retracted. Vikings commmonly employ this weapon as a means of getting to land safely or raiding an opponent ship by climbing the large chain of the harpoon. Studies show that the large chain was needed to hold the vikings manliness and powerful awesome. -Viking Launcher: This shoots a Viking towards the enemies. Due to the fact that Vikings are indestructible, and real men, the Viking will make a huge dent(The Viking being unharmed, of course), or cause lasers to shoot out of everyone's eyes. This uncertainty is explained by the equation Laser Eyes May = Vikings + Launcher + Raping and Pillaging. [IMG]http://images1.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/3/3e/Al_Gore_Viking.JPG[/IMG] [I]America's most well-loved Viking since Leif Erikson. Inventor of one of the Vikings' most dangerous weapons, the Internet.[/I] -The Internet: It is a little known fact that the Vikings were actually the ones who invented the Internet just as most people don't know that the Vikings were the first to discover America. When Christopher Columbus got came to the Americas in later years, he barely escaped what was perhaps the most lethal Viking weapon of all: the Internet. By using the Internet, Vikings can command Viking satellites up in the upper atmosphere to pillage a designated spot from far above the earth, they can call in more Vikings, or they can convince entire planets to crash into their opponents by telling them over the Internet that their enemy is having a pizza party. If you ever encounter a Viking, just run...really fast. If you hide, the Viking will just smash everything in his/her way to get to you. [/QUOTE]
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